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The Heart
What is so often considered a matter of science and physicality, fertility can often be boxed into being a practical problem; one to be solved through medical interventions and specialists assistance. However, in the midst of doctors appointments, blood tests (oh so many blood tests!), injections, ultrasounds, hormonal swings and goodness knows what else, it would be easy to forget the one very crucial part of the anatomy that gets a real beating throughout the journey the heart. (So, technically not the actual heart, but join me on the metaphorical road here).
What a lot of people who are not in this battle often don't realise, is that each month that passes empty, can in itself be a time of grieving. As months and years pass and dreams go unfulfilled, it can be difficult to maintain hope, and the heart becomes weary and sore. If you add to that failed IVF attempts and miscarriages, the grief can start to become overwhelming.
I found it perplexing the reactions my heart began to have to different situations. How I could feel joy and peace when some friends got pregnant, yet at others good fortune, I struggled. There was no rhyme or reason. Nothing personal to account for this. Just a heart whose great desire to expand our family was waiting, still waiting.
If you are battling fertility issues, you know how the heart can ache. How you can grieve so deeply for something you don’t have. God knows this too. He has made provision in His Word to let you know He knows. Hope deferred makes the heart sick (Proverbs 13:12). He knows that as you wait and hope, it hurts. He knows that as your dreams remain just that, dreams, that your heart becomes heavy. He knows And He cares. Even when you feel like He doesn't care, or that He has forgotten you, please know that this is not true. That in fact, He is the answer to your heart-sickness.
There will be days and perhaps even weeks, months, where your faith is low. Where you feel angry, abandoned, hurt and confused. He is a big God. He is huge. He knows. Jesus said, Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. (Matthew 11:28). He didn't say, Come on, snap out of it. I'm going to get angry if you don't have more faith than this!! God knows that there will most definitely be times when we lack faith. But this doesn't alter His character and His goodness one little bit. In Romans 3:3-4 it says, What is some did not have faith? Will their lack of faith nullify God's faithfulness? Not at all!.
Jesus came to bind up the broken-hearted. If your dreams of having children (or more children) are still in the waiting, and your heart is broken, I pray that you find comfort in the knowledge that Christ cares so deeply about your pain. Also know, you are not alone out there. Even though fertility issues go so often unspoken about, please know that there is a whole community of women and men who share your pain, and are journeying their own journey parallel to yours waiting, hoping, crying, trying, praying, believing.
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